I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
