he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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