Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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