hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
