Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Text me some of your sweat
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize