I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
