I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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