Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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