when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
