Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you have to choose: penises or morals?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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