I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
