Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
