I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
