apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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