Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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