I puked a lego.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
