just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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