I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
