Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
