White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
