Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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