Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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