Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i think my cat just said my name.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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