My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
