I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize