i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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