Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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