either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize