i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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