The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
