when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
