i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
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She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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