im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is it penis luge time yet?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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