I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
