toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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