Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
