if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
