grandma shit on top of the toilet
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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