There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
