I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
