i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize