It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
