the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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