I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
