I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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