Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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