it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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