I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize