wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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