all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
