I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
