It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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