What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Couch. On fire.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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