I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
