Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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