Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
