I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
