We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
