Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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