Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My ass is underappreciated
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.