Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
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drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal