Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.